Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
