youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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