is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
