I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize