If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
