I am spending my child support on dildos
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
