The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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