I think I am morally bankrupt
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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