She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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