I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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