Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Found the puke drawer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
