Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
