Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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