I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
