I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
