so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
