The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
