shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
