the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
