you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
