We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
