she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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