I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
