I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
