yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it because I queefed?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
