Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
