He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
