he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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