I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
