He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're like the curious george of whores
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
