just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
