I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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