you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
