hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
