I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
