And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
