And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
