Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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