I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize