Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
