so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
