thus making me awesome and them whores
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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