My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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