i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I show you my penis last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
