SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
