We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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