I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize