I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
