R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
