Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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