So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
