at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
