my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
