I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
