Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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