I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
