you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
did i walk over a car last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
