There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
