Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
