It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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