yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
