They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize