for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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