so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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