You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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