Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
