They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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