She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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