Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
