I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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