Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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