Kareoke will never be a sober sport
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
