I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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