my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
