Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
