Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
