I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
