She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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