i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize