Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
