I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
