are you still at the devil's house?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
