Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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