so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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