Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
