Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
