What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Randomize
