I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
