Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize