I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize