I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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