dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
