Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
